Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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