Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
