Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
