ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
