her vagine was all disorganized.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Pooping to opera.
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