i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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