she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
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I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
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