The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My cat gives me a boner
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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