I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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