This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
