Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
