WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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