If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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