i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
