Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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