i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
