OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
