Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
