His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
