Got a toothbrush?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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