so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
