In the future we'll all be gay
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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