I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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