btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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