just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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