I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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