Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
