I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
