if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I want to have your abortion
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
