I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I did not marry a roomba.
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