So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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