I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
