Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
