I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
