Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
