the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you never un-have a 4some
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
