Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
