well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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