Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Congratulations! We have a period
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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