he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
