Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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