best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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