My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
