Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
