Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
