Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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