It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
