Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
