He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
