okay pat passed out under dana's car
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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