I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I am one with the molecules
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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