I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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