wakey wakey hands off snakey
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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