This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
