Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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