hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
