rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Randomize
