xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
