I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize