I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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