so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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