My brain says no but my pants say off.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
