Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
