I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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