A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
40s are totally the cure
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
