Whod you bang
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
