When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
