Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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