he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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