So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
