I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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