I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
