I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
