recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
two words: eviction party
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
