This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
