i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
