Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
